Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
