but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
