Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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