I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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