Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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