i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
