OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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