Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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