I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
