i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
