the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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