hotel room ftw
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
