he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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