i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
