My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
