I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
