its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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