You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
