And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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