...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
