Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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