i wish starbucks made bloody marys
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
