Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
