Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
