Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
