my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
