Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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