you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
