Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
