I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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