doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
