my mouth tastes like poor choices
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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