using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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