chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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