I'm drive I can fine osifer
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
