I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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