I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
