guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize