So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
