i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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