WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't deserve a penis
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
