i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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