if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
