you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
