HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
