i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
