gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
