Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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