She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
