Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
