This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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