ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
