would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
