how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
