So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize