I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
