dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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