also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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