Already got asked if we're dating
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
