I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
