Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize