I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
