Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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