"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
