Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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