I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
