Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
