Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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