there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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