is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
