Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
