Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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