dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
