she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
