I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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