Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
