I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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