I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Buhtt sex?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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