im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
