Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
