i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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