I'm so fucking centered right now
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
