My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
