I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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