you guys were way drunker than both of me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
