She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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