OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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