And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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