"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
