My room smells like vodka and shame
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
