It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
