so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
