trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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