At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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