And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
