I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize