oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
