Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
