This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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