I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
