my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
