omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize