my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
