I hate all girls vehemently.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
