just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
