The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
