Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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