Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
whose ass print is on the piano?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
