Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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