dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
