Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
