he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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