I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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