What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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